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NOCTURNE

SOLVING ALL ECONOMIC PROBLEMS (January 2013).

Speculations frequently arise over what it takes to solve all economic problems. It is assumed that there is not enough money around and that we can't afford to meet all wishes.

It is now apparent that all we need to do is to pay a dime to David Letterman for each time somebody is using the word "and" or the words "that" or "it". This way he will become able to pay off all public debt within a few weeks.

This way we don't get more food or less waste of time spent on commuting or better health or less war but never mind such details that are important only for people's welfare but don't matter much for business or for the balanced budget.

Another contribution to solving problems would be to sack more employees and have high tech methods mangle and mess up procedures. This will also have the benefit that bosses are relieved of burdens because they will have fewer underlings to be polite to.

If on the other hand a country is introducing a trillion dollar coin the President and the PM and the Chancellor of the Exchequer should be careful not to apply the phrase "keep the change".

If money is needed for various purposes the nation should ask experts like Sherlock Holmes to use his magnifying glass to find the necessary funds.

Here are some examples of other improvements for the economy:

More motorways

Larger ballots

Double the number of camping sites at Svalbard

Larger TV screens (so we can all see the writing on the wall)

More telecoils

News be broadcast one day earlier

Nice hair for everybody (or better hairpieces)

37 shoes for each person

More additives in food

More words in songs and more syllables in words

Inflationary language

No more clean air or water

The Late Show be broadcast later

(more examples might be added eventually)

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